HIGH GEAR/MARCH 1978

SEX, LOVE, AND RESPECT

By Mitchell Menegu

It is ironic that one of the demands gay people make of the world-at-large is something that they too often deny each other. I refer to respect for gay people as whole human beings. Among themselves gays deny each other's humanity in several

ways.

"tention, curiosity, discussion, feeling, thought, or action." This definition refers to "person" once and "thing" twice in practice, when we are treated as objects, we are things much more than twice as often as we are

One complaint that we make of society in general is its inability to view us as anything but performers of certain kinds of sex acts. We resent not being thought of as having a full life. fully dressed, on our feet, in the light. Thought of as nothing more then active or passive participants in oral or anal sex (or any combination of these), we have been denied the qualities that characterize us as individuals. The phrase "sex object" has become so much a cliche that we tend not to consider what it really means. The American Heritage Dictionary defines an "object" as "a material thing" and as "a person or thing serving as focus of at-

persons.

To observe behavior and listen to conversations in places where gays gather is to be struck by the ways in which we

too often consider one another as objects. The concept of the "meat rack" found in many bars and in street gathering places in resorts and cities with clearly defined gay areas is a good example of how we treat each other as objects. Surprisingly, I have never heard the USDA rating system applied in designating passers-by as "choice" or "prime" (no one would bother talking about lower types), but I have heard a variety of classification systems, most commonly "On a scale of ten, I'd give that a........." What is being rated? Certainly not a person. Or consider a comment like "Catch that!" The pronoun objectifies, depersonalizes, dehumanizes. Watching

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someone about to make one of these pronouncements is like watching a judge at county fair evaluate hogs or dill pickles. Computer-like, the mind tallies observable qualities against set criteria and puts forth a score. I must confess guilt of the very sin I condemn.

I should add that there are gays whose sole purpose in life is to parade before judges and whose major needs are satisfied by their conviction that the judges cannot fail to give them a high rating. This group makes objects of themselves. (And my experience with some of them is that their attitude toward themselves results, in fact, in their being little more than objects.)

A second way in which gays fail to show respect for one another is in the games they play in relating to one another. Too often they are unwilling to take responsibility for relationships and to be honest about expressing either interest or lack of interest. The telephone is a major symbol of this behavior. We meet and talk and sometimes even have sex (alas, far less often than the world-at-

large assumes in stereotyping us as homoerotic satyrs); then, before separating, we exchange phone numbers and say, "Give me a call," but no call ever follows. The pattern of the interaction almost insures that nothing will happen: note that the words exchanged involve no commitment to action but only a request that the other person act. If either really wants to see the other again, he never considers that he should initiate a phone call. To do so might betray feeling and interest, might invite vulnerability, might demonstrate awareness of human substance worthy of investigating further. Too seldom do we show enough respect for each other to explore the fullness of our personalities.

When gays adopted "Strangers in the Night" as an anthem celebrating the romance of the unknown qualities in potential relationships, they did not see that more often than not they preferred to remain stranger, that they might be willing to share love (that persistent euphemism for sex) "before the night was through" but would be relieved to see the stranger leave later that night or certainly after he has gulped

Page 11

down his orange juice the next morning.

Another pattern of behavior that involves lack of respect is frequently observed in cruisy bars. It involves a parallel to putting someone on "hold" on the telephone. Having looked over the possibilities, two gays will find each other and begin the verbal quadrille that culminates in their leaving the bar together. During one of the complicated figures, one of the partners will observe someone else pass by who seems ever more desirable; cautious lest all be lost, he tells his partner that he will be back in a few minutes. Off he goes in pursuit of his new quarry. He may never return. If his former partner is smart. I think, even if the wanderer finally does return, no one will be there awaiting him.

We are right to continue pressuring the world-at-large to respect us as full human beings, but it is time that we also consciously initiate a campaign to respect our fellow gays. Ultimately a show of respect for the humanity of another gay is an act of self-respect, and selfrespect is the source of energy we need to require respect from everyone.

OLYMPIA A sanctuary of the Greek Gods and a valley lying

in the middle of ancient Elis. It was the scene of the Olympic games. Here were collected thousands of statues of the Gods and of victors in the games. Treasure houses fuli of votive offerings, temples, altars, and in a word, the most precious: treasures of Grecian

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in which the Olympic victors dined after the were finished, and other building and sacred objects formed a quadrangle surrounded with walls.

There also was "THE EXEDRA", a splendid building erected by the Athenian orator and statesman Herodes Atticus and furnished by him with statues of the families of the emperors. And by the Eleans, out of gratitude to the builder, with statues of the family of Atticus himself.

ROMAN BATHS" The social model for the baths,

was derived from Greek practice, but Roman love of luxury required the inclusion of the "EXEDRA" abundant with the richness of it's furnishings. The initial purpose of bathing to develop a sound mind in a health body was subordinated as the "EXEDRA" became more and more a great social center. The most elaborate EXEDRA was built on Campus Agrippa, the Emperor Architect.